July 19, 2012
Dear Flower,
First of all, thank you for reading.
I'm in a difficult position right now. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if i'm going to be working for certain individuals or if i'll have a job. And i no longer have a laptop. I don't know how i'm going to make money.
At the Review Board Hearing for getting my status at the mental health clinic changed to "voluntary", my parents attended but they spoke ill of me. They spoke words that would try to create a bad impression of me. They tried to make it appear as though there are things wrong with me, which included telling lies about me and implying negative things about me which weren't true. They seem to have some kind of agenda.
It's difficult for me to meditate in the morning (at 6am) because i'm always fighting against so much sleepiness, and mild "day dream" thoughts quickly turn in to a mild sleep during my meditation, so the entire time it's like i'm fighting against sleep that wants to take over my body. I'm not allowed to take showers before 8am at the mental health clinic; that's probably one of the reasons i struggle against sleep during my morning meditation: because i can't take a cold shower before my meditation.
I really should start going to bed by 9:00pm. So, that, if i fall asleep by 9:30, i should be able to get about 8 hours sleep if i get up at 5:30am for my 6:00am meditation. I don't know, maybe that would help with my morning sleepiness problem.
I haven't left the mental health clinic yet because i have nowhere to go. I don't like being here, but i'm stuck here because i have nowhere to go. I haven’t heard back yet from my potential landlord and I’ve been trying to get in touch with him. And my psychiatrist is suggesting that i stay a few more weeks so she can continue to monitor my progress and help me. If i don't take her advice it may look bad on me during a court hearing for custody of Brooklyn. As you may or may not already know, i intend to fight for sole custody of Brooklyn, my 8 year old daughter, whom i haven't seen in probably about 3 months by now.
I've been at the hospital since June 1st, however, prior to that Brooklyn's mother had been violating the court order for about a month and a half by not allowing me to have my court ordered access.
'Til next time: Take Care!
~Mark
Additional -optional- reading of excerpts from past Journal entries: ;)
December 3, 2010
Dear Flower,
It's almost as if ~Sir~ has picked at least one person on the earth to
show how kind He and Divinity really are. I don't feel like there's
anything I've done to deserve it.
I don't know where this is going... I don't fully know all the things
i'm going be talking to you about a few weeks from now or a month from
now, for instance.
I've suspected, though, that they'll be a Journey. And i've wanted to
bring you with me on that Journey and describe for you the things that
are happening.
The problem is that ~Sir~ is not something or someone separate from me; it may sound that way, but that's not the way it is.
~Mark @markenglish13
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