Dear Flower,
In this blog post, i would like to expand on how i ended up in a mental health clinic in the first place. And i'll do this to the best of my ability, because there's still quite a few things i don't understand yet.
Generally speaking, there are two main points i'd like to make: 1) Despite whatever good may come of it, there really is no legitimate reason for me to be admitted to the hospital; 2) I have no legitimate reason as to why the police detained me in the first place.
In earlier blog posts, i told you i would try to explain to you how i ended up in a mental health clinic and the days leading up to that. Let me go back to the day that i was first brought to the hospital which was the morning of June 1, 2012.
I would not even be admitted in the hospital if it wasn't for the police detaining me and an ambulance subsequently bringing me to the hospital; i.e. i wouldn't (and did not feel any need to) voluntarily admit myself to the hospital. I could have slept if i wanted to. (Prior to being detained i had gone at least 5 consecutive days with absolutely no sleep.) In fact, i got a good night's sleep the night before the police detained me.
Again, however, what was i doing the early morning hours of June 1 prior to being detained? Walking. Minding my own damn business. Sure, at one point i was walking along the 102 Highway in Bedford going towards the Bedford/Sackville exit. That may be perceived as a little strange walking along a highway near fast moving vehicles like that.
But there was no mention of any concern for my own well being--that i may be of some risk to myself--from the 'police officers' to the initial doctors and nurses in the Emergency unit of the Halifax Infirmary the morning i was brought to the hospital.
Sure, i cut through someone's yard to get from the 102 Highway to an adjacent subdivision road near Basinview Drive in Bedford. That *may* have appeared as though i was trying to commit some kind of robbery crime (mind you, i -was- wearing a white t-shirt and flip flops at the time). But the police actions were very strange. I was approached by the police about 10-15 minutes after cutting through these peoples' property.
I have very little understanding as to what the police officers' intentions were, and i am just simply left with the suspicion that they weren't actually police officers and they were trying to kill me by cutting off my blood circulation over an extended period of time. Frankly i am baffled:
- They put me in handcuffs without first explaining to me what it is i supposedly had done to warrant "arresting" or detaining me
- They NEVER explained anything to me nor even offered any comforting words to ensure that i would be okay
- They sat on top of me for at least an hour so that i could not move, with my hands in handcuffs, behind my back, extremely tight cutting off my blood circulation.
- I don't understand why handcuffs would ever have to be so tight that they cut off blood circulation
- While i was already in extremely tight handcuffs cutting off my blood circulation, one of the police officers started bending one of my hands in towards my wrist. Why?
- Why was i never searched by these two police officers beforehand?
- Why didn't they call for back up. I've dealt with Halifax Police officers on many occasions and there wasn't a single occasion, other than this one, where they didn't call for back up
- Why did one of the police officers start rubbing my back as if to help me drift off into sleep?
- During the entire time these two police officers were sitting their weight on top of me so that i couldn't maneuver away from them, i was screaming things such as, "THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!! CALL 911!! PLEASE, SOMEBODY! HELP ME!! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU TO HELP ME!!" I fought for my life, big time, screaming and yelling and trying not to lose consciousness
- I asked the police several times to loosen the cuffs, but they wouldn't even respond to me verbally
- An ambulance eventually arrived. Why did i not hear either police officer radio for an ambulance?
- Why did one police officer suddenly start jabbing his knee into my leg and holding it there to maintain pressure, and why did that feel to me like he was cutting off more blood circulation. Why, after i twisted my leg to a different position did he continue to do this but this time on the side of my leg rather than the back? Why? Why did he have to jab his knee into my leg and maintain the pressure of jabbing his knee into my leg
~Mark
Additional -optional- reading of excerpts from past Journal entries: ;)
November 3, 2010
Dear Flower,
But, anyway, it's fun again now, but i don't know what's happening--like i keep saying--i don't truly *know* if it's here to stay.
And i don't know if the sundar (pronounced: shun-dar) is something that a lot of people could experience if they meditated or if it's something specific to me. It *seems* like my meditations are unusually powerful.
And the fact that Sir's always here, it just seems like somethings going on.
I have to start telling you more things now to try to get caught up with things that are going on now. It's been hard 'cause i am super behind with work. But i'll be up all night...again... and i'll try to send u some stuff throughout the night when i think of it.
~Mark @markenglish13
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