#12 - What My Psychiatrist Thinks -

July 14, 2012
Dear Flower,
This is Part 1 of a 2 Part Blog Post. In this Part, i want to return now to talking about the fact that i am still currently an involuntary patient at a Mental Health Clinic here in Halifax, NS, Canada. In the 2nd Part, i want to expand on how i ended up here in the first place.

As i've just stated, i'm still a patient in the hospital. The reason why provided by my psychiatrist has nothing to do with me potentially causing harm to myself or to other people, and has more to do with her distrust in me that i may mentally deteriorate in some way, (and/or not continue to take my medication).

I don't agree even remotely that i will "mentally deteriorate"; i am certainly capable of looking after myself. It's almost like taking a perfectly normal person who was in the midst of doing everything he could to do of what's best for himself and for his 8 year old daughter and then not allowing him to go back to that (even though all he wants to do is go back to doing everything he can that's best for his daughter and himself) all because of some fantasy idea about me.

However, i *did* mention in a previous blog post that it's *good* that i'm here, (within this mental health clinic). In terms of the medication that i am being prescribed here within the hospital, we (i.e. my doctor and i) seem to be approaching a point in which we are addressing my challenges with anxiety than otherwise, i.e. than if i wasn't a patient within the hospital. I am glad that the medication i am being given is addressing my anxiety and that we are still improving on that. If i am permitted to maintain the same medication concoction that i am currently taking, (and which will still be improved), after i am discharged from the hospital then that would be at least one reason why i could say that my stay in this hospital served a positive purpose.

So, you see, it's almost as if my doctor (i.e. my psychiatrist) and i are starting to get on the same wavelength.

Whenever i -do- get my freedom back, i'm going to have a new found love and appreciation for it. And, i'm going to be VERY happy to finally see my 8 year old daughter again.
~Mark

Additional -optional- reading of excerpts from past Journal entries: ;)
November 3, 2010
Dear Flower,
Meditation doesn't just change the way i look, it changes the way i feel in a MAJOR way. In fact, the whole reason my face looks fuller, better, or whatever is because of the changes that are going on on the inside.

I remember in 1997, before i lost my meditation, it was like a daily treat for me seeing girls looked at me and the way they look at me. I remember walking down St. Catherine's Street in Montreal and almost every person i walked past would stare at me.
~Mark  @markenglish13