July 31, 2012
Dear Flower,
Just because there was a lot of toxicity and emotional abuse in my family environment growing up, doesn't mean there wasn't a lot of love. I love my parents very much, and care for them. I'm in a difficult position. They simply need to behave.
Apologies are important because then you not only help the person you've hurt to heal, but you also become more vigilant in your own mind that what you've done is wrong and you should make an effort not to repeat it. In essence, it helps both parties heal: the one who has been emotionally hurtful heals and the one who has been on the receiving end heals as well.
I am in a very difficult position. I have no choice but to speak to my parents about emotional abuse if they're not going to openly admit that it's wrong and they must try to stop, because i have a child. And a child needs grandparents. Not allowing my child to have grandparents (on my side of the family) is not an option. The option is right there in front of my parents: admit your wrong doings, admit what is emotional abuse coming from you, apologize and try not to continue. But if they can't do that, then we will remain in a limbo stage in which i must manage very closely how much contact my daughter has with my parents and when.
Right now, it is nothing short of abuse: that the one on the receiving end of the abuse is at fault, i.e. it is *their* fault that they are receiving the abuse and they deserve it--without any apologies. That's my definition of abuse: the lack of apologies, the lack of admitting what's wrong. Normal people make mistakes, they say the wrong things sometimes, but normal people who aren't abusive will feel the need to apologize when it is necessary. I can't just try to ignore this and bring my child into an abusive environment. It's time for my parents, particularly my dad, to shape up and face the music: It doesn't matter if you think someone is doing something wrong, you still need to treat them with respect: behave yourself! Pull yourself together and face reality. If you wouldn't treat your co-workers like that, why would you think you can treat your family members that way as though they are lessor people.
Done.
~Mark @markenglish13
Forgiveness must be considered.
ReplyDeleteMany are not only unwilling, but unable to change. What you need may not come.
Best of luck, I'm following your story.