#19 - A ~Sir~ Burn -

July 17, 2012
Dear Flower,
Okay. Blog Post #12. This is gonna be a toughie. Man, that was weird. All those public posts i made on my Facebook page on May 30, and other ones to you... The only reasonable explanation i have is severe lack of sleep. I must have went into Kookoo Land because of lack of sleep. I have had a tendency to seriously deprive myself of sleep.

Staying at the mental health clinic has really helped with that since i basically -have- to go to sleep. I still get up for my 6am meditation though. I don't have an alarm clock or anything. I just somehow wake up 15 min. before 6am or 30 min before 6am; somehow, i just wake up.

It's crazy. I hated sleep. I really did. I don't know... that's all i have that makes sense as to why i acted that way. I certainly wasn't on any drugs, other than caffeine, loads of caffeine. Lack of sleep can really f* up your head.

It wasn't just the 4 or 5 or 6 consecutive days that i went without sleep; *before* then i was seriously not sleeping right as well. And that was going on for a while, like, at least a year or two.

Anyway...

Well, it's time for me to admit the truth: I need sleep, normal sleep, like anyone else, 7 hours a night, i guess.

Look, a lot more went on than just my struggles and fumbles from lack of sleep. I was dealing with ~Sir~ inwardly. So much of that is hard to record, very difficult for me to put into words. Like i said before, i'm a student in this story. I'm not the teacher. I'm just trying my best to record the facts.

Why did i come up with this idea of "The Burn", or, how?

I don't know.

There's a lot that i don't know.

But, i'll tell you: that was one hell of an experience for me, one which may never be able to be properly recorded in words.

I was never "convinced" that there -was- a Burn, i just thought that *maybe* i got the impression from ~Sir~ that there would be, or could be. And, despite the fact that i wasn't convinced, i contacted the FBI, "just in case". That was weird. Or maybe it wasn't, i don't know.

I basically told the FBI through their online tip form that certain individuals were trying to manufacture and deliberately spread a disease that will cause a burn of the skin and with an intent to kill a lot of people. I neglected to mention that the reason i felt this way was due to a faint intuitive impression that i might have had and that i -may- have misinterpreted it. I hope the FBI weren't wondering about me *too* much. But, nevertheless, i was just trying to help "just in case".

I guess only *i* will ever really know what i went through inwardly with ~Sir~; you had to be there, i guess, is all i really got to say.

The Burn.

Maybe it was *i* that was BURNED the most.

Burned.

A ~Sir~ burn.

I don't know. But whatever it was i went through, i think it's safe to say... i'm a different person because of it... more mature? more something any way.

And that's all i got to say about that.

'Cause there's nothing else to say.

Well, except for Thank You.

: )
~Mark

Additional -optional- reading of excerpts from past Journal entries: ;)
November 13, 2010
Dear Flower,
I'm gonna have to try to go to Brooklyn's school tomorrow and speak to the principal or a teacher, and, if i can't, keep going there until my message is getting through to somebody because, as far as I'M concerned, what's been going on with Brooklyn since the beginning of primary last year is nothing short of child abuse.

She's having self-esteem problems, and as a result she's struggling during class group work such as story time. So, when the class is supposed to gather around the teacher and listen as a group, she's left to roll around on the floor, make annoying sounds, and otherwise perform "inappropriate behavior" while all the other kids in the class experience the teacher's group activities and respectful attention.

She's having trouble making friends because of this and she's treated by the adults involved as though she's misbehaving, like she's not a good girl, and so forth. So, since it's due to self esteem, the problem is just made worse by the way she's treated by the adults and her daily struggle with failure and the uncomfortable social experiences.

I have been trying to tell everybody since the beginning of last year that this isn't a behavior problem this is an anxiety and self esteem problem but my message doesn't seem to be getting through. Her mother, in particular, still feels that she needs to be held accountable, etc. despite my pleas to her at the beginning of last year to try to understand that the behavior is due to self esteem and she therefore needs more respect, encouragement, and praise and not scoldings and similar treatment.
~Mark  @markenglish13