July 24, 2012
Hello Flower,
I wasn't handling myself as well as i could from about 1998 to 2004. I'm disappointed in myself, because i had the capacity, i had the ability to do as well as i am doing now. It's unfortunate. But it's dust--the past is dust. I'm disappointed in myself, but the past is dust. I was inexcusably reckless on many occasions. ~Sir~ is extremely kind to me and i am ashamed of myself for the way i've acted.
If i want to meditate every day and live a good spiritual life, i have to be up every morning and meditate at 6am, and i wasn't always doing that in my past. From 1998 to 2004, i would sometimes, or oftentimes get angry with ~Sir~ (not even realizing initially that i'm feeling anger or resentment towards Him) 'cause i didn't understand--and i would get drunk because i was mad at him. I still to this day treasure the joy of waking up sober as i began to feel back in 2004. It's a shame that i acted that way, i.e. being self destructive, but i did, and it's over now.
~Mark @markenglish13
P.S. Thank you for reading.
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