#46 - Intro To The Next 9 Blog Posts -

The next 9 blog postings, starting after this one, will consist entirely of entries from my journal. Please note, that in Blog Post #37, the last part of that blog posting was entirely an entry from my journal on March 3, 2012. The next blog post after this one (i.e. Blog Post #47) will be the next entry from my journal immediately following the entry i posted in Blog Post #37. I had been keeping a journal right up until a couple days before i was detained by the police in the early morning hours of June 1, 2012, and i would like to gradually relay these journal entries to you. So, my next blog post, after this one will be my journal entry from March 4, 2012. I hope you enjoy. Love, Mark

#45 - Total Recap Part 4 of 4 -

August 11, 2012
Dear Flower,

-         I have improved my sincerity towards my spiritual life…

o       Now, I don’t care, one way or the other whether I’m able to meditate or whether I have the sundar (pronounced: shun-dar). I meditate because it’s a requirement of my life, because I want to realise God, not to achieve something, such as better looks and a wife, which is the proper way to meditate. Not being concerned with whether or not you were able to meditate and thinking of yourself as a beginner is the proper way to meditate, along with being regular and punctual. And that’s what I try to do today.

o       I am determined to continue to go to bed at a decent time each night, as I did in the mental health clinic, so that I can get a good amount of sleep each night and be up for my 6am meditation without being too tired. If I fall asleep by 930 or 10pm, that should give me 7.5 to 8 hours sleep each night if I get up at 5:30am. So, my goal is to stick to that each night, even though it’s difficult. That’s been hard for me to go to bed early, but I can do it.

o       I definitely will be taking my life even more seriously from now on.

-         Parents harbour too much disrespect towards me…

o       Both of my parents harbour too much disrespect towards me. And this not only makes it very difficult to communicate properly to them, it is not healthy for my daughter’s well being.

o       My father, in particular, needs to apologize for losing his temper and venting his anger upon me countless times. He has never apologized. He needs to recognized and acknowledge that this leaves scars, otherwise we are not making progress and the environment in which they are in is therefore not healthy for Brooklyn.

o       My mother has also been disrespectful towards me around Brooklyn. This is simply because they are harbouring disrespect towards me beneath the surface and they are not able to deal with it in a wise way rather than causing harm. She has been disrespectful to me around Brooklyn in ways I don’t think she is even able to understand. The disrespect is there, under the surface, so it comes out with the way I am treated even if nothing is explicitly said. For instance, my mother telling me to make sure Brooklyn goes to bed at a certain time, and tell her to clean up her toys in her room first, and so forth all right in front of Brooklyn undermines my authority over Brooklyn; it’s not the right message to be sending Brooklyn; my mother is teaching me and Brooklyn that she (my mother) doesn’t have any respect for me: that she doesn’t think I’m smart enough and mature enough to know to do these things on my own without being told.

o       When you think someone is making mistakes, that doesn’t warrant you to become disrespectful to the person; in fact, perhaps it is a sign they could use a little more love and support in their life, because maybe something is lacking.

-         Review Board hearing…

o       After about one and a half months of being stuck in the hospital, there was a Review Board hearing, which I applied for, on whether to change my status to voluntary

o       My parents attended, but they spoke ill of me. They spoke many words that would try to create a bad impression of me, mentioning many things that would make me look bad, which included telling lies and taking things out of context

o       The Board members at this hearing decided to make my status at the mental health clinic voluntary, which essentially meant I could leave whenever I wanted.

o       The Board decided that I was neither a threat to myself nor to anyone else

o       I will not be "mentally deteriorating" as suggested from my doctor (i.e. my psychiatrist). I will be living a happy, good life as i have been for the last 8 to 10 years. I am a perfectly normal person who deserves to go back to his life.

-         My financial situation is very dire and uncertain…

o       At first, I wasn’t able to leave the mental health clinic even if I wanted to, because I had nowhere to go and no money

o       For the longest time, I didn’t know if I would have a place to live. Before going to the hospital, I had attempted to move out of my condo unit by paying a new landlord $600 for one month’s worth of rent.

o       My friend John has been helping me out tremendously by giving me a little bit of work and giving me his laptop to use, which is what I am using now

o       I am in the midst of looking for freelance web design work

o       The last social services cheque (for about $530) was about two weeks ago; most of that went to my rent. I have still not finished paying the entirety of my July rent.

-         Everything worked out in the end…

o       I am now renting two rooms in a house which I initially reserved by paying $600 rent prior to being forced to stay in the mental health clinic

o       I was permanently out of the hospital by July 26, 2012

o       However, my financial situation is still very dire and uncertain

o       Steve is the owner of the house and is my landlord, I feel like he is helping me out tremendously

o       John (a friend I met while in the mental health clinic) is also still helping me out tremendously, including financially

-         I haven’t seen my daughter for almost 4 months…

o       The mother has been violating the court order starting about a month before I was brought to the hospital. She began violating the court order and not allowing me to see Brooklyn immediately after I started confronting her by email about the fact that she has been brainwashing Brooklyn to lie and keep secrets about anything to do with her con boyfriend

o       This brainwashing and the disrespect Erin (the mother) has harboured towards me has caused a lot of behaviour problems in Brooklyn

o       Erin all of a sudden began to come up with reasons that are bad about me as to why I should all of a sudden not see Brooklyn, even mentioning things from 10 years ago that have nothing to do with what is going on now

o       Erin has not allowed me to speak to Brooklyn on the phone for over a month. The first time I called, she didn’t know it was me, and hasn’t answered the phone since. She also doesn’t answer the phone when I call from a pay phone.

o       Erin has not even suggested or encouraged supervised visits out of respect for her daughter’s need to see her father

o       I have a custody hearing coming up soon, but I don’t know when the date is yet

o       I still don’t have a legal aid to help me fight my custody battle

o       I feel like I am wounding my poor child by not being with her and not being able to give her the proper upbringing that she deserves

o       I feel like it is partially my fault that Brooklyn has to suffer, because I was the one, 9 years ago, who was being self-destructive and got involved with Erin only with a self-destructive state of mind

o       I have to focus on preparing for the court hearing coming up which is over custody of my 8 year old daughter

-         ~Sir’s~ presence…

o       There is something to be said about my friend, ~Sir~: i will never get to see him again on earth, for his physical body has moved on to its death, but he is continuously reminding me of his inner presence

o       He is extremely kind; He shows me tremendous love and concern; He helps me feel loved and shows me the support that is lacking elsewhere in my life

o     I get the sense that He is looking after me, but also has everything already planned for me

~Mark

#44 - Total Recap Part 3 of 4

August 10, 2012
Dear Flower,
      -          My Anxiety disorder...

o       I started addressing this anxiety disorder through a family doctor about 2 years ago for the first time since I was about 17 or 18 years old (I am now 36).

o       When I was 17, I saw a psychologist for a short period of time who diagnosed me with an “anxiety depression”.

o       This anxiety disorder has caused me many failures in life, much deprivation. There would be much more fulfilling social, and financial, experiences I would be having in my life if it wasn’t for this anxiety disorder.

o       I feel this anxiety disorder was caused primarily due to the way I was raised by my mother and father, and the toxicity that my sister and I went through growing up. My parents were arguing, fighting, a lot; they had bad fights, and had problems with their marriage. The abuse they vented onto each other they also began to vent upon Stacy and I. And it is a sin that poor Stacy and I had to suffer through that. We both are victims of child abuse.

o       My anxiety disorder really started to rule my life right around the age of 16 or 17. It became horrific. Both my parents were heavy drinkers and the “escape” or “happiness” that I learned by that age was that of consuming alcoholic beverages, preferably with friends, but by this age I was getting drunk alone day in and day out.

o       I saw no hope for my future. I saw my future as dying on the streets as some drunk, and that was definitely where I was heading.

o       I started learning to meditate in 1994 when i was 18 years old and it very quickly changed my life for the better

-         Getting angry with ~Sir~...

o       The self-destruction I went through back between 1998 and 2004 when angry or resentful against ~Sir~ and the actions I made to attempt to spite him has made it appear as though I have schizophrenia

o       There were many things I did that were self destructive out of anger and spite towards ~Sir~ including drinking heavily, and making it appear to others as though he was doing serious things to harm me. This included going to hospitals to try to get him “caught”, and this got recorded in my health records, and rather than causing any damage towards him, it simply made me appear to have schizophrenia

o       Never seeming to be able to meditate properly no matter how much I tried seemed to be one of the reasons why I was getting angry

o       I will be looking for second opinions on the schizophrenia diagnosis

-         Bad decisions because of my anxiety disorder...

o       The only way i ever met an individual who basically introduced me to crack-cocaine was because i was trying to self medicate myself so that i could get past my anxiety and talk to girls—so i wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life—so i could be more like you, and have a family, have loved ones around me most of the time. My anxiety is/was so bad i felt i didn't have a choice. All it was was to help me get over a little bump; once i'm past that bump i could be fine, but i needed something to give me the momentum, the confidence. Because i have had a life of very little social successes. I was severely emotionally abused and by the time i was 15/16 i couldn't even function in society. I felt a six-pack of beer and a little bit of crack would give me the confidence to have a few social successes—exactly what i need.

-         The Sundar...

o       I have taken the good looks that I get from meditation in the wrong way over the last couple years or so; for instance, I was often meditating just so I could develop more good looks. Instead of meditating as a service to God, which is how one should meditate, I was meditating to retrieve more good looks. I wanted to achieve better looks and then meet a girl in a bar. Unfortunately, somehow I justified also drinking and doing drugs to self-medicate my anxiety disorder to help me have the confidence to start conversations with girls. 

~Mark

#43 - Total Recap Part 2 of 4 -

August 10, 2012

Dear Flower,

• On the evening of May 31, 2012, I finally got some sleep: about 7 hours worth. I must have gone to bed pretty early ‘cause I woke up at about 1am. After I woke up, I took a shower, got ready, meditated and a few other things. I had to get dressed after my shower, but I still felt like there were tiny cameras of some sort within my condo unit that were still active. For instance, I felt the device within the thermometer was a tiny camera. And I wanted to block it in some way because I had to get dressed. So, I went and grabbed some shaving cream and sprayed shaving cream all over it to cover it up. I also felt the big mirror, which was on the floor, to the big dresser in my room had some sort of recording camera device in it. So, I turned it around, upside down while I got dressed. Then, after I was dressed, I placed it back so that the mirror side was facing the thermometer with shaving cream covering it. I had felt that someone from the FBI or CIA turned this particular mirror into a camera-recording device, and now the image on their monitor for this device would be the snow-like covered thermometer.

• What I find very interesting is that, one time when my parents visited me within the mental health clinic, I told them about the various tiny recording devices I had found around the condo unit, and my Dad, for no particular reason whatsoever, offered up the aforementioned mirror as a possible recording device, even though I didn’t mention that at all. Thanks, Dan. It doesn’t make any sense why you would suggest that. But, thanks.

• By the time I left my place, it was about 1:30am on June 1, 2012. I didn’t know exactly where I was gonna go, but I dressed as though I was going to Florida with a white t-shirt that had the word “Florida” written over the front of it and a yellow short sleeve button up shirt over top of it, unbuttoned, and flip-flops.

• I was walking around the Basinview Dr. and Medowbrook Dr. and Basinview Dr. and Rutledge St. area at around 3:00am to 4:00am.with a plastic reusable grocery bag over my shoulders, with various innocuous items in it, wearing a white t-shirt and a yellow unbuttoned short sleeve collar shirt, and flip flops.

• I didn’t know where to go, because I felt that, wherever I went, police were following me and trying to nab me for anything they could possibly nab me for.

• I left my laptop in a wooded area at the edge of Highway 102 near Meadow Brook Dr. and Basinview Dr. About 3 or 4 days ago, I went back to that area and retrieved my laptop (i.e. it was still there waiting for me). I will be heading to a specialty shop soon to try to retrieve the data that is on the hard drive of this laptop and put this data onto a dvd.

• I walked along the Highway 102 for a while from about the Meadow Brook Dr. and Basinview Dr. area to the Rutledge St. and Basinview Dr. area. Once I got to the Rutledge St. and Basinview Dr. area, I decided I wanted to walk to a condo building that was at the corner of Rutledge St. and Basinview Dr. To do this, I had to walk through some bushes initially and then cut through the backyard of somebody’s house and essentially walk in between two houses until I arrived at the actual street. While I was cutting in between the two houses someone within one of the houses looked out a window and saw me. She then came out of the house and asked me what I was doing on her property, to which I had no satisfactory response for her because I didn’t want to bother explaining to her that I was walking along the 102. So, since she wasn’t satisfied that I wasn’t some kind of burglar, I let her have the plastic reusable grocery bag I was carrying and told her to give it back to me later.

• The lady’s husband also came out to question why I was on their property. They may have called the police, however, I don’t know for sure. Most likely, they did, as they thought, at least initially, that I was doing something wrong.

• When I arrived at the parking lot of this condo building, I spoke very briefly to a cab driver jokingly about the incident that just occurred. About probably less than 5 seconds later, a police car gradually approached me in the parking lot without turning their vehicle’s police lights on, which made it seem like they were approaching me secretively.

• Without making any attempt to help me understand why I would have any reason to be detained, the first “police officer” attempted to put me in handcuffs. The initial attempt, which was pathetic to say the least, failed, (because I pulled my arm away out of his grasp) and, after which, an additional “police officer” came over to assist the first guy in putting me in handcuffs. But, my point is, they never communicated a single thing to me as to why I would have any reason to be detained; they also did not call for backup, which is very strange behaviour according to how members of the Halifax Regional Police Department would normally behave.

• They had the handcuffs on so tight behind my back with me lying on the ground, and both of them on top of me, that it felt like they were slitting my wrists. I was screaming and yelling the entire time for somebody to come help me, but nobody came to help. It was about 4 o’clock in the morning.

• Other than that prior incident of cutting through someone’s property, I had virtually no reason to be detained by the police, because I was doing virtually nothing wrong and, other than walking along the 102, I was not acting strange enough to warrant such a hostile take down.

• In my mind, these were not police officers, this was the CIA disguised as Halifax Regional police officers. I thought they were trying to kill me. After they had me in handcuffs, I lied to them and told them I had taken 14 hits of LSD, earlier. In my mind, I had previously made the CIA look bad by my recent actions over the last few days. And I felt that telling them that I had taken 14 hits of acid was a way for them to make me look crazy rather than credible in any way and therefore give them a reason to not kill me.

• The numbness in my fingers caused by the handcuffs cutting off my circulation lasted for months.

• An ambulance eventually arrived on the scene and in the early morning hours of June 1, 2012, I was brought to the Halifax Infirmary by ambulance and arrived at approximately 6:00am.

• I did not fully understand the justification as to why I was forced to stay at the Abbey J. Lane mental health clinic until my psychiatrist spoke of the reasons why during the Review Board hearing over whether my status should be changed to voluntary.

• I will be researching the various events that took place in the early morning by doing a number of things including retrieving a copy of the police report for that incident, and trying to speak to the individuals whose yard I cut through at around 3:30 in the morning.

• I feel like we are in a period in which a massive wave of positive changes is taking place. So, from now until the next year or so (although i do not intend to put a duration on it), we/i will be experiencing a lot of massive positive changes. There may be some experiences that will appear to be adversities but when they are through and when you take a look at them with the bigger picture they will be seen as contributing to positive results.

~Mark  @markenglish13

#42 - Total Recap Part 1 of 4 -

August 10, 2012

Dear Flower,

• During the day, on May 30^th, 2012, I posted some stuff on my public Facebook wall that probably freaked a lot of people out; I don’t know, or maybe most people thought it was a hoax. I posted something called “The Burn”, which I thought was a disease that was going to be deliberately started by some people with chemicals that cause burn to the skin. And the burn on the skin would feel as a bad as fire. And the disbelievers, the ones that didn’t listen to me, they could be eventually saved, but they would have to go through some kind of purification, or sanitization, process where they would have to be covered with a substance that looks like snow. I later realized that it wasn’t literally a disease at all that was about to be started. I was wrong on that. And, during the next 24-48 hours I was trying to find an Internet connection to get back on the Internet and post on my wall that I was wrong about it being a disease and that nobody had to worry.

• On the evening of May 30^th, 2012, I began to trash my place looking for bugs (i.e. recording devices). During the act of doing this, I partially emptied a can of Drano, which is a mixture of chemicals that are used to de-clog drains and that are dangerous in the sense that if they are heated they could cause some kind of fire or explosion; also, if they touch your skin they will cause a burn of the skin. Also, while looking for various recording devices, I broke off the cover of the thermometer for the same bedroom in which I spilled these chemicals on the carpet. I broke the thermometer trying to figure out if there was a recording device within it somehow, and that caused the room to heat up significantly. The heat continued to rise and rise. And I had no idea how hot it would get in there or how to shut off the heat because the thermometer was broken. 

• I felt I was leaving the place and never coming back; I didn’t care about the fact that I was trashing the place because I felt that my father, the owner of the unit, was the one who was mainly responsible for placing the recording devices within the unit. And it was the superintended who allowed him access into the building. I’m not an idiot.

• However, I did forget my keys to the unit, and left in a hurry (because I felt that the superintended was probably in the midst of calling the police for what he became aware of what was going on within my unit). The problem is that I not only locked my keys within the unit, which I realized after I left the building entirely, I also forgot about the precarious situation in my bedroom where the broken thermometer was heating up the room significantly and where there was Drano chemicals all over the carpet.

• I realized I had no choice but to call 911. I was embarrassed to call 911 because earlier that day I had posted The Burn on my public Facebook wall which people probably thought was a hoax. But I didn’t want the building to catch fire and all those poor old people in the building to experience some horrific burn of the skin all because of me. So, I had to call 911, I had no choice. 

• Problem is, when I called 911 from a pay phone near McDonald’s on Bedford Hwy, the 911 operator didn’t take me very seriously. I was the guy who had, earlier that day, posted The Burn all over my public Facebook wall, and, I suppose, it’s possible that this posting went somehow viral and the Halifax Police were aware of it, and probably thought it was meant to be some big hoax. She told me the police would be there in about an hour, which I thought was kinda strange since I told her I felt the building was about to burn down. She also started to try to gather all my personal information, like my birth date and so forth, which had nothing to do with the point of the call. So, I got frustrated with her, hung up on her, and went back to the building.

• Anyway, a police officer did finally come to the building and contacted the super to help me to get back in. The police officer was just so hesitant. He wasn’t behaving like someone who thought there could about to be a fire, he was going very slowly, and it took a while to convince him that it wasn’t actually a hoax as I showed him the broken thermometer and the Drano chemicals all over the floor, and the various devices that I found. Weird.

~Mark

#41 - My Implicit Communication With The Police Officer on June 1st -

August 7, 2012
Dear Flower,

For this blog posting, i'm going to talk to you about the implicit communication i felt i had with the police officer that first approached me at around 4am on June 1, 2012.

First of all, i am still not convinced that they were police officers. If they were, then they may have been secret or "undercover" in some way even though they were in police uniforms. I don't recall even seeing the second police officer; he only approached me to help the first police officer put me in hand cuffs behind my back. And he was mostly behind my back, so i never really got a good look at him.

But i want to talk to you about the communication that i had with particularly the first police officer that approached me. I was walking in the parking lot of a condo building in Bedford, NS, doing nothing wrong, and i notice a police vehicle slowly, gradually, creep up towards me. The police officers didn't put the police car lights on or anything like that. One police officer got out of the car and approached me wearing gloves. All i really remember him saying is things like, "I want to talk to you about something." I don't remember much more than that in terms of what he actually explicitly communicated.

I want to talk to you about the implicit communication that i remember. What i felt he was implying by the way that he was looking at me, the things he was saying, and the way that he was saying them. Now, i want to remind you, that i could be wrong on a lot of things. I was very low on sleep; although i did sleep the previous evening for about 7 hours, i did go without about 5 or 6 days of no sleep prior to that. And i do recall now thinking a number of different things that i know now are not true. However, i still do feel that what i felt was being implicitly communicated that morning was actually correct, or, at least, very close to it. I still feel that way.

First of all, the police officer seemed very strange to me. He didn't behave like a normal police officer, and the gloves that he was wearing looked very incongruent, i.e. they really didn't look like they belonged at all. I will try to tell you as much as i can remember. It seemed to me the gloves were there for a suspicious purpose. Now, you may be reading this and thinking, "Mark, you were not well then, you were thinking crazy ridiculous thoughts, this is nonsense." By all means, think that. But, just remember, i still feel, strongly, that what i'm about to tell you is recollection of something which is very true.

Now, i said i don't remember many things that were explicitly communicated. But i do remember a number of things that were implicitly communicated. And i'm gonna start from the beginning, from the beginning of what i remember.

First of all, the police officer didn't seem too sure about himself. He didn't seem like he was very interested in talking with me. He seemed almost passive, or perhaps even slightly nervous. He didn't seem very strong or assertive in his approach. He tried to approach me saying something like, "I just want to talk to you about something", and i backed away. Then i walked towards the entrance of the condo building. And i tried to open the door to the foyer, but it was locked, which is very strange because in order for visitors to get into the building they need to be able to go into the foyer so that they can press the buttons to the various units.

When i was standing at the front door, which had a glass entrance, there began some implicit communication between me and this particular "police officer". I don't remember the exact words that were said, but here is the implicit communication of which i strongly recall:

First of all, the police officer looked like he had tears in his eyes. I saw in his eyes that he had to kill me, and he was very disturbed about this; he had to follow orders to kill me and he really didn't want to because he thought it was wrong; i was an innocent person; he not only liked me, he loved me, because he already knew who i was; he didn't want to kill me so bad that it showed deeply in his eyes and it appeared as though there were tears beginning to weld up in his eyes.

Then he said a few things, of which the words i do not recall, but, once again, i remember what was communicated implicitly. He told me that he had to kill me and he wanted some kind of reassurance from me that this would not happen. And so, i reassured him that no, i would not be killed. (Because i knew that ~Sir~ would protect me and He would not allow that to happen.) Then he had a different thing to say. HE was going to get killed if HE didn't kill ME. So, he looked for reassurance from me again on whether HE would get killed. And so i reassured him again, that no, he also would not get killed. I knew, that if i said that, i was confident enough that ~Dear Sir~ would back up my promise.

Prior to this short conversation, i asked him if he would like to join the FBI with me (explicitly). And he said yes (implicitly). I, for some reason, felt that the FBI were in that condo building. It was very strange that the front door to that building was locked. And there were some boxes on the floor within the foyer. When i glanced at the boxes and tried to figure out what they were or why they were there, the "police officer" looked very uncomfortable with the fact that i was doing that and tried to distract my attention away from them.

By the way, i went there the other day, to this condo building, just to check it out. I believe it is 277 Rutledge St., in Bedford, at the corner of Rutledge and Basinview. And i checked the front door to the foyer, and it opens; obviously (i.e. it's not a locked door). How else could people, visitors, get into the foyer to press the buzzers to the various units. And there were no boxes sitting on the floor of the foyer.

Anyway, shortly after our implicit communication, the second "police officer" approached me and began to assist the first police officer with putting me in handcuffs behind my back. Virtually nothing was said about the reason why i was being put into handcuffs or what was going on. However, the first police officer did say, "I think there's going to be a fight," before i even made any slightest effort to fight against them (and, according to me, i never gave him any reason to believe that i would put up a fight prior to that; i didn't even know he intended to put me in handcuffs). To me, he just implicitly communicated to me that i need to fight this to help me win it (i.e. to survive). So, after he said that, I started to fight with all my might.

They eventually got me into handcuffs, behind my back, with me lying face down on the pavement, and proceeded to simply sit on me for one or two hours so that i could not move away. I yelled and screamed for somebody to help me the entire time. At one point, the first police officer said, "He's pretty strong." And i could tell by the tone of his voice that he was happy, he was nervous, but feel good that they were failing at killing me. In other words, despite cutting off my circulation for so long, i was still not losing conciousness. Yes, it *is* possible to kill a human being by cutting off their circulation; it has to be done over an extended period of time and must continue after they lose conciousness.

And, as i'm sure you can tell by this blog post, i did actually live.

Oh yeah, there was one other thing: during the initial struggle i almost took off one of the first "police officer's" leather gloves (the second one wasn't wearing gloves), and he became very nervous about that as i was about to do it and momentarily ceased from struggling to get my wrists into the handcuffs to put his glove back on properly. That was kinda odd.

'Til next time: Take care, and God Bless.
~Mark  @markenglish13

#40 - Brooklyn's Mother's Predicament -

August 5, 2012
Dear Flower,

There is sort of a foyer at Starbucks-Chapters in Dartmouth by Mic Mac Mall and it is enclosed by glass windows and doors; it serves as an intermediate area between the exterior and the interior of the building.

Today, I was working at Starbucks, and I sat right next to this foyer, which enabled me to notice the plight of a particular bug which was too big to be a hornet, but too ugly and scary looking to not have some sort of stinger or bite mechanism to it. And it was stuck there within this foyer. Somehow it got in, and it could not get out. It smacked and banged again and again on different parts of the windows, and it was encased within this glass trap; it had no way of getting out on it’s own; somehow somebody would have to open a door and either unwittingly let it into the building or help it get back outside into the outdoors. The bug got itself into this predicament.

And I could help but notice the similarities with Erin’s (the mother of my child) situation. I don’t mean to insult anybody; i’m not talking about the ugliness of the bug. I’m talking about the bug’s predicament. Erin is now enclosed within a glass trap with no way out until somebody helps her get out of it.

I have already received an affidavit from her listing various bad things about me—many of them made up, or some how taken out of context and meant to imply something negative about me—as to why I should not be having anything to do with Brooklyn. She made the decision to all of a sudden keep Brooklyn from me immediately after I started confronting her by email about how she is brainwashing Brooklyn to lie and keep secrets about her relationship with her con boyfriend. Even though I’ve been raising Brooklyn with all the love in my heart since the very day she was born, I, according to Erin, am so bad that I must not have anything at all to do with her all of a sudden. All of a sudden, I can’t even speak to her on the phone; I can’t even have supervised visits with her. And I just couldn’t help but notice, kind of humorously, the similarities between the bug’s predicament and that of Erin’s. I don't know what actually happened to the bug. I kinda forgot about it and went back to work.
~Mark  @markenglish13