August 2, 2012
Dear Flower,
Let me go back to talking about my parents for a moment. I want to try to explain myself a little better, because it’s important to me that you understand what I’m talking about. I don’t want to unwittingly cause you to think I’m talking about something that I am not.
Just because somebody does something wrong, doesn’t give somebody an excuse to become very disrespectful to that person; people must be treated with respect at all times—even if you think that person is being disrespectful to you. We’ve gone past the animal stage and we’re in the human stage where this sort of thing really needs to be considered at all times in all circumstances. This is something that really gets to the core of a lot of problems that are taking place all over the world.
What I need is to simply speak up about the disrespect that comes from my parents. And, then whatever happens happens; i can’t control my parents’ behaviour. Forgiveness will always take place. Speaking up about it (on my part), is not the lack of forgiveness, it’s an effort to plant a seed in their heart that will gradually germinate. I have made many mistakes myself, so, there’s no reason for me not forgive. I have relied on God’s Forgiveness; otherwise, I’d be a mess.
I understand that people take a long time to change even when they are making an effort to do so. I know this, because my own life is a shining example. I have been trying to improve myself for over 18 years now. And I still have many flaws. The only change I am looking for is that which may come after admitting ones wrong doing, or admitting that they also must follow the rules. Admitting that they must follow the same rules as Brooklyn doesn’t mean that they will always be able to do so, but we will have almost certainly created an atmosphere where it will become a lot easier for everybody, because when people are nicer to each other it’s easier to be nicer and more respectful in return.
For the very reason that people are unable to change overnight, I can’t go and welcome them back into my life with all the love in my heart and soul unless and until I am earning a healthy income, and have a much more improved financial situation. I have made bad decisions that have resulted in the financial weakness that I am in now. I am partially to blame here. I feel their disrespect towards me is primarily centered on my financial weakness, what caused it, and the potential of me tarnishing their reputation or causing them money problems.
But this goes way back to when I was a child. I was raised with a lot of disrespect. I am just speaking up about it, because regardless of what happens, the mean, ugly elephant is still there under the surface. And I believe it’s because there’s no acknowledgment from them about what’s right and wrong. I’m not looking for a change; I’m looking for an admission that they must also follow the rules.
The rules are the same for everybody. Brooklyn, my 8 year old daughter, is not allowed to treat people disrespectfully, neither should my mother and father. We must follow something where everybody follows the rules. A situation where I must follow the rules, and Brooklyn must follow the rules, but they don’t have to follow the rules is not gonna work. I can’t be a part of that.
And the way to change is to simply admit or acknowledge that, and to keep on admitting it. Brooklyn has been disrespectful to me countless times. Does that mean I get to become very disrespectful to her? Our dark qualities must not take the lead. That is why we have laws in our society—to keep our dark qualities under control to a certain degree. That is why there should be rules or principles outlined in a household that all members must follow. What do you do when, naturally, a rule or principle is broken? You go back to acknowledging what the rules are. No, people cannot change overnight, but we definitely need laws in society and principles within households.
‘Cause this is what’s right—if you don’t do what’s right, the doors are always open there to do the same thing that’s been done before. And, for me to allow that would be disrespectful to my child. I have a responsibility to teach my parents that everybody is supposed to be treated with respect even when someone makes a mistake and seems disrespectful. If they’re not going to attempt to follow the rules then that’s not the kind of household I can bring my child into.
~Mark @markenglish13
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